Empty Mom - Finding Fullness

Welcome back!

If you have decided to follow along, I appreciate you! I will attempt to keep these somewhat short, and always sweet. Although some topics I have in mind might be kind of heavy, so the short and sweet might not be in those. Either way, I'm so glad to have you here! I guess you could say today's blog is part of my testimony. If you'd like to know more or something in more detail, just message me and I'd be happy to explain further! Now then, allow me to insert the line that everyone says... grab a coffee (or tea) and let's talk.

"Why did you name your blog Empty Mom? That's kind of depressing, isn't it?" Yes, it is kind of sad. If someone were to say "I just feel empty inside," wouldn't you feel bad for them and ask if there's anything you could do for them? I have been there myself. I think it's safe to say we all might have had the feeling at some time or another. The world we live in has much to say about how we can fill the emptiness. Money, drugs, possessions, social status, positive affirmations, careers, love, alcohol, lust, self care... the list is endless really. I'm fully aware that a couple of those things I listed can essentially be good for a specific time and season. Don't be smart here, I am talking about the positive things not substances. I will be the first to say I have gone down the path of trying all the things to fill my emptiness, but nothing ever truly satisfied. Then there was Jesus.

As I mentioned in my 'about me' blog, there was a time in my life where I ran from Jesus. This is where I got the idea for my blog name. The first part might be sad, but the finding fullness is where happiness comes into play. In my first blog I stated I grew up in a Christian home. I went to Sunday school as a child, was in a youth group as a teenager, and attended service on Sunday mornings with the adults. I attended the same church with my family until I was about to turn 21. This is where the running began.

One of my Aunts had asked me if I wanted to venture out and move into an apartment with her. This would give me the opportunity to "leave the nest" and figure out life on my own. I was elated! Isn't every young adult's dream to move away and have fun and live in a cute apartment? I accepted her offer and couldn't wait to be out on my own! Little did I know, my life was about to change. The apartment we first had was in Fairfield, Ohio. That was about a half hour away from where my parents and friends were. Yes, I know that drive was not a big deal as I was not hours away from everyone but it felt like it. This is where Satan began whispering to me... "A half hour or more drive to your church? Are you nuts? What a waste of gas! You can't afford that." And you know what? I listened to him. I stopped going to my church that I had gone to for almost 21 years of my life. Then I thought "I'm still a good person, God understands, maybe I'll try to find a church in the area I live in now." I'm sure you can guess that I did not attempt to try and find a new church. I told myself all the more that I was a good person and I don't need church to be saved. This, my friends, is a very dangerous and untrue way of thinking. Although the Bible doesn't say 'if you don't go to church you aren't a Christian,' it does say in Hebrews 10:25-27 "Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near." We need a good, Bible preaching church. We need other believers. There is nothing like someone praying for you and sharing encouragement! I understand that people have been hurt by churches before, and I am sorry if that has ever happened to you. However, that is from the people of the church.. not Jesus. He would never hurt you! There is a church home for everyone somewhere, just have to explore for yourself! Ok, that's my sermon for now. Moving on. 

While I was out on my own, I had dated a couple different guys. They were not Christians like myself. That lead to even more destruction. One weekend I was back around my parent's house, hanging out with my boyfriend at the time and my friends. Long story short, I met someone new at the place we were hanging out. We ended up dating and living together for almost 6 years. I truly thought this was the guy I was going to marry... but he never proposed. God had other plans. While I was seeing this guy, you betcha I still was not going to church. I actually started talking less to my parents and grandparents who I loved so much. I was only focused on me and my boyfriend whom I was so madly in love with. All I longed for was a husband and children. I will never forget the night that changed my life for the better. 

I was lying on our couch watching a movie and I heard the Lord speak so clearly to me that I needed to get out. I needed to leave who I was dating and get back to Him. I know what you're thinking. "Wow some great God you serve, supposedly telling you to up and leave someone you've been with for so long." And I get it, I thought the same thing. So I fought what I heard, for a couple weeks to be exact. Then again on another night it was so heavy on my heart and I kid you not I about heard an audible voice telling me I wasn't living right and I needed to turn back to Him. So this time, I listened. I packed my things and moved back home. My boyfriend and I tried still being together, just not living together, and it did not work out. I cut things off completely. I had no clue what I was doing or what was going to happen, I just know I felt instant peace about my decision. Trust me when I say when the Lord calls you out of something, it's because He has something bigger and better. It might not be instantly and might not be what we envisioned, but it is for sure for our good. (Romans 8:28)

So here I am, living proof of an empty mom finding fullness. It is a life journey, but that was one big piece of it. The story goes on that what I thought I would have in the 6 years with my ex, God gave to me in less than 3 short years with my now husband. One of my 'life verses' is found in Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." The fullness is in Him, friends. I am living proof that come good or bad times, if I keep my eyes and heart on Jesus, he gives me the desires of my heart. (Psalm 37:4) He can, and will, do the same for you, friend!

I'm sure you're screaming 'yay she's done talking!' Sorry this one was a lengthy one, but it is an important part of my life story. Thank you for taking the time to read! I'll see you back here soon.